History of Meat

Meat historians agree that the first meat was probably stripped from the carcass of a Mastodon sometime around 2130 BC. It was initially eaten raw, a condition which, though tasty, inevitably infested the consumer with ravenous parasites that would fester in the colon, thereby causing rectal swelling, anal bleeding and explosive bursts of vomit. Survivors eventually took to cooking meat, which improved its flavour and reduced its tendency to cause agony. Yummy! To prepare your meat, baste it with a nice, wet lubricant.(make sure to rub it in) Then, use a meat tenderizer and beat your meat as hard as possible until its many juices come splurting out.

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